“You cannot judge people because they sin differently than you.” —Erykah Badu
Two years passed.
On November 4th, 2017, Chris asked me to become his wife. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! In yo face!” I mentally screamed. This was to all of those people who thought my life was over when my 2nd husband passed from cancer, those who spoke negatively not only behind my back but also to my face, those who told me I wouldn’t amount to anything, those who reminded me how broken I was, those who told me I had too much baggage, those who told me how and how long to mourn, those who used my son to guilt trip me, and those who thought I couldn’t. I also remembered the boy I was once dating who told me that no man would ever love me because I had a child. And even if the man could get over me being a single mom, the boy said, their mother would not allow our union. “In your face, boy”, I thought. I had finally regained the heart beat that I had lost. I finally had something to look forward to. I finally felt some of the lost hope reignite within me. I would finally have the family I always dreamt of. That’s all that I had ever wanted – to give my son a dad who cared. His biological father sure didn’t give a crap.
Ever since I was young, my mother retold me the story of the rainbow outside the hospital window when I was born. Even though my life in Hawaii was incredibly short lived, my parents to this day still speak of it so fondly. Whenever life threw me under the bus, she would remind me of the magnificent arched rainbow from when I was born. She felt the rainbow was a promise from God. So every time my life turned an unexpected way and I would despair, she would remind me that the greater the storm, the brighter the rainbow. By the umpteenth time she said that, I remember snarling at her wondering if I would ever get to see a glimmer of light; let alone a rainbow.
But on November 4, 2017, I got my rainbow.
Looking back now, all I remember doing after the engagement is crying. Crying in disbelief, crying in gratitude, crying because I still couldn’t let go of my past. I wondered so many times “what if”. What if I had refused to marry my son’s father despite being pregnant? What if I had not met him? But if my life had not turned the way it did, I would not have my beautiful son. My rock, my moral compass. After all, patience and turning the other cheek is a virtue, right friends? So in spite of the hurt, I am grateful for everything that I have gone through, including every heartache and misfortune.
I know my story isn’t over yet and I know yours isn’t either. I hope my story can help soothe any hurt that you are experiencing right now. All I know is that you can’t lose hope friends, no matter what anyone tells you. Like my mother always says, “even if the sky is falling, if you focus real hard, you’ll find your way out.”
I am better off healed than I every was unbroken, friends, and I know you are too.
Love you guys,
P.S. I have attached our proposal in action. Chris knows that Friends is my favorite television show of all time. 🙂